…THE GIFT…and not being beige!

they’re the ones who never take chances and are always the ones raining on someones parade, that’s not me I would NEVER rain on your parade I’m the one in the wings cheering you on, (probably in a totally innapropriate cheerleading out fit 😉 )

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Okay, A.D.H.D is a gift right?

 As a person with A.D.H.D,  I embrace that and at the same time occasionally struggle to understand it. A gift by law, can not be given back, i. e. persons co habit/marry one partner gives the other a gift but wen the relationship dissolves they demand the gift back, it goes to court, the normally wounded spouse demands the ‘gift’ back and the judge will say,

” I am so sorry it was a gift s/he’s keeping it”

(excerpt from judge Judy there for you)…. and it is true to say, occasionally in my life I want to give it back, when I get to a shop and can’t remember what I went for… when I miss an appointment or over commit myself… when I over obsess on being wronged by someone…. when i can’t even begin to think of what I should have done but haven’t…  realising I have something v important to do but forgetting completely what it is…and esp wen i open my mouth an something so inappropriate comes out I spend the rest of the  WEEK wondering whether that person thinks I’m an illiterate moron or at best just crazy.

Actually looking at it is safe to assume the above happen on a daily basis and more than one of them happens more than once in a day, I have found that even medicated I struggle with every day life, esp, knowing what is appropriate and talking with my mother last night, I can actually trace a lot of my problems back to the age of 15 when I had a stroke, it is obvious to even the most casual observer that despite my intelligence I am arrested in certainly my emotional but even maybe my mental development at that age, I have 3 teenagers, two girls aged 13 and 14 and a son aged 17, yet sometimes, -actually scratch that- a lot of the time they act more responsibly than me, I found the meds enable me to prioritise a lot however what they are unable to do is know what is appropriate and of course that is presuming I am going to think before i speak/act and although the meds help with that if you don’t understand that a comment is inappropriate how do you know not to say it?

 I am friendly and affable and probably a little too trusting and you can’t even begin to imagine the crap my mouth has landed me in and I’m talking big men wanting to kill me crap (as well as big women) sad thing is I never mean what I say and I definitely don’t intend to offend ( I’ll admit to a mischievous side that actually enjoys watching people squirm- but in this instance that doesn’t apply) but it can make you fearful of talking at all.

IF ONLY THAT WAS ME!!

Of course that doesn’t apply to me, because if I could ACTUALLY stop myself talking I REALLY REALLY  would, because if I talk and have the realisation Ive said something inappropriate I then make it worse trying to explain myself, often saying something even more inappropriate than before.

I also say things in jest which sound awful and by society’s standards ‘innapropriate’ but in my mind I didn’t mean it the way it sounded and my stupid habit of thinking out loud  the ‘in my head out my mouth’ thing or Gobb’s disease as it is better known 😉 and that is my primary concern at the moment as with this granddaughter born to my sons 15 year old girlfriend social workers are involved and they seem to have a unique gift of taking what I say and twisting it to sound awful,  (instance) I said

“Ive never felt anything like I feel for my new granddaughter (this was b4 she was born) not even wen i had my own”! interpretted to “I love the baby more than my own kids” (??? I mean my kids are total pain in the asses but I love them and had them so long ago I can barely remember what I felt specifically, aside from totally overwhelmed) Oh and BTW interpretted as in written in an ‘OFFICIAL’ report! :O

The diagnosis of  A.D.H.D has totally revolutionised my life,  it’s not a label or status its a crippling brain disorder caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and getting it treated is a life changing experience, because once that chemical is replaced and the appropriate counselling is given, you are given back your life!

Before I thought I was a screw up, then I learned my ‘screw ups’ were a condition, aside from 3 children I had never achieved anything in my life, a pattern that remained for years, I wanted to achieve something but these ‘wants’ were sporadic, then I was given this magic pill and all of a sudden I could maintain a home, I could think straight, I could prioritise, I could see what my strengths were and my weaknesses, it really is a gift because you’ll discover people with A.D.H.D all have compensatory gifts/talents and despite having to take a pill twice a day I don’t feel abnormal or disabled for the first time in my life I can see the amount of talents I have developed over the years make me a uniquely gifted individual it’s like God gave me extra talents to make up for it, I mean I can talk, I’m articulate an can express myself in amazing way, I can paint in great detail and draw and have a great artistic eye  and I can make people laugh (even if its at me, rather than with me) because I think differently and alot of the time what I think comes out of me gob! (so sometimes it isn’t a bad experience BTW)

 I’m the fun mum, yay,  😀 ( in reality the fun mum means the TOTALLY inappropriate dysfunctional mum, who is actually crap at being the adult, i. e. not very healthy 😦 but as you can see that don’t sound as good does it?) but the teens in the area flock here, they sit with me even if who they knocked for (my kids) are out, so I have a gift with young people in getting them to open up, I can talk with them about teen stuff , the serious teen stuff, safe sex, drug miss use as well as what awful sounding band has hit no 1 in the charts or stupid celebrity stuff and they tell me stuff they’ve never told anyone, then I can share with them my experience, but equally I can discuss philosophy and eschatology for hours and debate for England on any given subject. I can write story’s with characters so complete you can get at least 12 stories out of each one, I can paint pictures with words, take you to worlds you couldn’t imagine, because I can imagine anything and more importantly I’m not beige.

Beige people are ordinary, boring, sane people, who have agenda’s, schedules, people who have to keep the status quo, guess who that ain’t ? 😛

 These people more often than not stick to the rules, they’re the ones who never take chances and are always the ones raining on someones parade, that’s not me I would NEVER rain on your parade I’m the one in the wings cheering you on, (probably in a totally innapropriate cheerleading out fit 😉 ) and I love to dance in the rain, I love laughing, I am the one dancing in the super market queue coz it is boring!!! (whilst my daughters squirm with embarrassment) Inappropriate? YES!  but not BEIGE!!! YAY!!! 😀 I am SO cool its untrue 😛 Lol! and this gift? In reality, I wouldn’t give it back for the world, would you?

Because in reality what the ‘label’ of A.D.H.D does, when it is given it’s true distinction (treatable disorder)is return your self esteem as well as your life!

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