Okay…general moan…

I actually LOVE me as I am and if that includes no curves? I’ll find a way to live with it, by focusing on my good points, I have a completely flat stomach not many 35 year old grandmothers can say that, my legs are a beautiful shape, I have delicate ankles, I like that. Now if your big, concentrate on your positives, great cleavage, fantastic womanly hips, good for you, don’t try to make yourself feel better by putting me down

Advertisements

Okay, good morning all….I say this is a general moan… but in fact its quite specific. I am 5 foot (maybe less – it seems I’m shrinking as my children get bigger) I weigh around 6 stone (I say around, it can be just above or just below depending on whether Im having an ‘eating’ week or a ‘got nothing much in the cupboreds’ week) I haven’t deviated from this weight for at least 15 years, I have a huge problem, in that people seem to think it is acceptable to comment on my weight, CONTINUALLY! Now I know I cud do with a few extra pounds! I KNOW THIS! Unfortunately people seem to think that after 35 years I need them to tell me that fact! I DO NOT!!!! AT ALL!!!

I’m NOT anorexic! Let me make that clear!

I come from a LONG LINE of thin people on both sides of my family (both paternal and maternal) I WILL NEVER be large, I was the smallest kid at school, I have been slight built my WHOLE life, it’s not my fault, I can do very little about it, but I am SICK of snidey comments and off hand remarks about that.

Why do people think its okay to say

…’you need to put weight on’?

If I looked at someone and said.

“You really need to lose weight”!

There would be offense ALL around and I’d be considered rude, but ooooooooooo nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, its not okay to do that, but its okay to make digs at my weight, to sit and disscuss how much better I’d look with a bit of weight on, I mean ‘hel lo’?
Why is it Okay to tell me I’d look better if…? WHY? I have for the first time in my life a healthy self esteem, but I feel so uncomfortable getting dressed in the morning so as I don’t show anything and in the summer my skirts have to be REALLY long, the only thing I’m comfortable showing is my stomach cause it’s flat, but I can’t show it if I have a low cut top or I am wearing a shortish skirt because I feel exposed and vulnerable and I feel people are looking at me judging me constantly,

 but only because they WILL comment, perfect strangers will approach me and give me ‘their opinion’ on my build, it’s upsetting for me, I like who I am, I like being slight build, petite, little, but for all these comments and the sad thing is people sometimes will do it without realising,

example:

I’m at a gathering, I feel cold.

“you need some weight on yr bones that’s wat it is”!

I mean, innocent enough comment to make, but it cut me to the quick and I’m sick  of feeling that way, my God if I was overweight I cud slim down to the perfect weight, but gaining weight is impossible and clothes shopping? forget it, the clothes I want, young people (10 – 12 yrs) don’t wear, so I find clothes shopping pretty miserable, finding jeans to fit is extremely rare, someone broght me 3 pairs of leather jeans, they considered them small, they were size 10 – 12 and jus swung rather unattractively on me I wanted to cry I really did, but there’s this little piece of misinformation running around, its that clothes look better on skinny people ( models being the example)

Its a crock, they do not, when clothes hang off you it makes you look scrawny and less than attractive, Kate Moss ALWAYS looks fantastic, but I bet her BMI is higher than mine and I’m fucking miserable. I want to have curves, but I don’t have none, people who struggle with losing weight, don’t understand this. I’m not out of proportion you understand, I don’t have a lolly pop figure, I’m tiny, always  have been, but I’ve tried weight gain shakes, eating little and often, but I’m designed to be this small, it’s just me, so if you see a petite person, don’t immediately assume they’re anorexic and if you suspect they are for God’s sake don’t comment on it, someone who is, will have huge self image issues and being judged on their appearance will set them back miles and passably if they’re recovering, halt their recovery.

The worse coment I ever heard, was a woman who wasn’t even big herself, she said.

“I’d like to be slim…”

She lifted up my Top, looking at my TOTALLY flat stomach (After 3 children- not bad I think) and continued.

“…but NOT as skinny as YOU”!

I mean HOW spiteful is that? My advice? If you see someone who is super slim, has been super slim the entire time you’ve known them? just keep your spiteful opinionated comments to yourself, it’s YOUR burden to bare, NOT OURS!!!

I have a suspicion that people who are large, feel a certain ammount of disgust at my dilema and it feels good to tell me my lack of weight is unattractive, I get that, what I don’t get is why is it acceptable? Because the perfect weight is rare on anyone, too big is tip toed around, ‘o big is beautiful, etc, etc’ well good things come in small packages! Why is that not thought of by these people.

This affected my self esteem for years, people I considered good friends would tell me ‘ you need to put on weight’ then they’d big themselves up ‘look at my curves’ ‘wouldn’t you kill for a rack like this’? and I felt disgusting FOR YEARS!!! …and I WOLD LOVE to have curves, but I actually LOVE me as I am and if that includes no curves? I’ll find a way to live with it, by focusing on my good points, I have a completely flat stomach not many 35 year old grandmothers can say that, my legs are a beautiful shape, I have delicate ankles, I like that. Now if your big, concentrate on your positives, great cleavage, fantastic womanly hips, good for you, don’t try to make yourself feel better by putting me down, because NO IT ISN’T ACCEPTABLE!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s