I got a handful of friends, friends I consider worthy of my investment emotionally. But I have only one friend who has proved her worth. The funny thing is, I met her in the last two years of secondary school and whilst in the school, we never spoke, we had the same classes but never sat together, but at the end of the day, we walked home together and we would meet in the morning to walk TO school with each other. And that was it, for about a year, then at the start of the last year at that school, I collapsed and had a stroke. It was a frightening and lonely experience, this one girl vistited me EVERY SINGLE DAY, WITHOUT FAIL, EVERY DAY.
Don’t get me wrong, friends visitted everyday, but between themselves I think they discussed shifts, cause different groups came in on different days, except this girl, come hell or high water, she was there 100%.
After I had somewhat recovered, I ran into trouble, I had been caged (almost) in a wheelchair for a long time, so I rebelled HARD, IWAS PREGNANT WITHIN 2 YEARS AND TO A MAN WHO WAS VIOLENT. I left home, forced my dad to write a letter to the authorities claiming there was ‘no more room at the inn’ 😉 and moved into a hovel of a hostel, I WAS FREE! When reality struck, I took a load of tablets, I rang this friend and told her, before I put the phone down, she was beside me (almost literally) SHE WAS THERE.
Eventually I got a flat, she was there, she HATED my violent boyfriend (even threatened to throw him over a balcony at a party I had) but she was there, I seperated from him, I hit rock bottom, SHE WAS THERE washing my sons clothes in the sink, helping me clean the house, she was JUST THERE.
Eventually, I moved back to be closer to my mother and father, but I was further than EVERYONE than I had ever been. I got involved in drugs, now this is where it gets interesting as I review this part of my life. I broke contact with her. I KNEW SHE WAS FRIEND ENOUGH SHE WOULDN’T STAND FOR IT, SO I KEPT HER AWAY!
IN THE TIME WE WERE SEPERATED, I HAD A DAUGHTER, THEN GOT PREGNANT AGAIN! I wrote hera letter and after I woke up after a VERY PAINFUL complicated labour, where my paralasis caused the epidural to become NOT EFFECTIVE! SHE WAS STANDING BY MY BED HOLDING MY BABY AND SO WAS HER MOTHER!
I THINK I KNEW THEN (duh – took me a long time) that no matter what I went through she would be there and she was, ALWAYS has. Now, you have to understand, her lifestyle is TOTALLY different from mine, I have family, she has a dedication to a band that has caused her to follow them for over 20 years, she has LOADS of friends and I am very privaledged to be one of them, we hardly have ANY time together, but we have ALREADY PROVED that we can go days, months EVEN years without seeing one another and its still there, she STILL KNOWS me, we can pick up where we left off and just ‘BE’ like we were 24 years ago in that hospital in 1989.
She was never overwhelmed by my circumstance, if I was in a mess, she rolled up her sleeves, put the marigolds on and said ‘come on girl, lets clean this shit up’! Now I know she must have despaired at the danger I put myself in, she must’ve worried and fretted but SHE NEVER LEFT.
Other friends resented the value I put on her, but she was just THE ONLY ONE who was and has ALWAYS BEEN THERE! When I was desperate and alone, she was the only one I could count on, cause everyone else had the good sense to bail, for some reason our friendship was born of some sort of supernatural thing, because there was no reason for it to survive, she simply was made by God to be my friend, I think we were made in the same factory or something and I love her more than anything, shes the only friend I would be nothing without!The ONLY one I COULD be nothing without, and her worthiness was proved when EVERYONE else had abandoned me!
People are a victim of their experiences and their training and they think the way they think because they’ve been taught to think that way and they think that the way they think is the law, so they don’t prioritise what you prioritize or value what you value.
How do I get over the betrayal/abandonment of a friend? How do I get through it? How do I move onto the point where I can open myself up to allow someone else in? How do I stop it changing WHO I AM? SHE is the reason I can do all that because she proved to me ‘friendship’ is real and timeless and there wasn’t something wrong with me, it was just life, thank you Dee Murphy, I think we’re 2 of a kind love 😉