Trying

I try, I’m really trying to not swear, it is neither glorifying to God or me, however…

I have  TWO things running against me, no 1 and most notably the ADHD which I am medicated for, the medication SHOULD give me an ability to think before I speak (it works by stimulating the attention centre of the brain) However, my medication also has an unfortunate side effect. Well quite a few actually, not least terrifying being “SUDDEN DEATH” (I kid you not) However, another of the more problematic side effects is “TOURETTE’S” LIKE OMG! Yeah, so with that I live under the banner  of Gods grace because of the occasional “Fuck me” Moments that are unfortunately inevitable.

I have grown in his grace. I am real. I love Jesus and my love walk with his people isn’t half as strenuous as it once was and I try, I mean I REALLY try some days. However, more often than not I do not try at all. Merely because the ADHD means either I forget, or SO much is going on in my life it doesn’t seem as important an issue as showing love, and if my focus is showing love, I am just being me. (mostly because I can’t ‘act like’ consistently for very long – I focus on showing his tolerance and acceptance, his love- also because I can only focus properly on one thing at a time)

I have it on good authority, that my authenticity in this love blesses God immensely, and the few ‘Fuck me’ moments are irrelevant, to the many who see me as authentic and in doing so see Christ the same way.

So yeah, I’m trying, but as Steve Harvey says ‘I’m not there yet’. I’m focused on being authentic and sorry, if I didn’t ‘curse’ I would be doing an impression of who I am. I’d be trying to ‘appear holy’ or something and me not swearing doesn’t make me holy, accepting that Christ is my saviour and him dying for me does that. So in retrospect? I am ok!

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