I look at the photo of friends section on my facebook page and I have no idea who most of the people there are.
The aggravating factor is, I friend people due to them being (mostly new) authors and through twitter (through the ‘like my facebook page’ message) It IS My personal facebook page, not my author one.
I want you to know I value people on facebook a great deal. I have some of the most satisfying and (believe it or not) full relationships with people I have yet to meet in person.
But you see, I have the memory span of a ferret and not just ANY ferret but one who has been hit in the head numerous times. I cannot tell you a number of times I have lost WHOLE conversations and not ones from years ago, sometimes these conversations took place a few days before, more recently and more alarmingly are those conversations lost, from the day before or, horror of all horrors, earlier in the day.
Before being diagnosed with ADHD I genuinely thought I was developing dementia. And yet still, with the full knowledge, it IS the ADHD the alarm I feel is no less. When I say something and someone says. “Yeah, you said that earlier…” and I have ABSOLUTELY no recollection of it is THE most terrifying thing ever.
You feel like you are losing pieces of yourself. I’ve lost people as well. People I hung around with in primary school? GONE! The amount of conversations I’ve had where someone has approached me and spoke to me as though I was a long lost friend and I have NO IDEA who they are, that sinking feeling of. “I should know who you are, shouldn’t I?” How do you get out of that without offense?
I feel that same alarm sometimes when I look at those photos on Facebook. IT’s the ‘WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL? WHY DO I NOT KNOW YOU? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Then relief, ‘You friended them on twitter, you’re supporting authors remember?’ But, THAT ‘alarm’? It takes a while to stop feeling that. And then I feel bad, I should be engaging more, right? Then I feel daft for putting so much pressure on myself, I DO engage, more often than others sometimes, some people just do not engage back, but I forget some of them too. So, I just gotta accept that and not look at the photos section of Facebook! Problem solved! Until I forget and do it again 😉
Oh to have a memory! What’s THAT like?
No, really? What’s it like?
Oh and happy Christmas just btw 😉