New rooms

I’ve lived with ADHD ALL my life but I’ve only been aware and medicated since around 2010. I can’t even tell you when I was diagnosed because time isn’t a linear thing with me. I WOULD blame the ADHD itself for that but to be perfectly honest, I have no idea why, time just is wibbley wobbley timey wimeyΒ  ( πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› ) for me, because of my poor memory.

I’d just like to explain something about the medications I take for the ADHD, because it is frustrating for me, that even I believe, ‘medicated means whole’. Because for ADHD, it doesn’t mean that, at all! Medicated (for me) often just means ‘acutely aware, I should be working proper and very alarmed that I’m not.’

I’ve given the ‘filing cabinet’ explanation already (if you search my posts you’ll find it – I hope)Β  and it is a good explanation but I feel like it is incomplete, in its explanation of the limits of what the medication can do.

Think of the medication as a key. You as a normal person (I use the word ‘normal’ in the sense you don’t have ADHD, you may be weird beyond belief but in this sense, if you do not have ADHD you are normal) Anyways, yes, you as a normal person have had access to a part of your mind your WHOLE life.

For me, certain parts of my mind had doors that were locked tight, bolted, absolutely no access to them. When I took medication for the first time, it was like I was given a key and these doors flew open.

Now, this is the important part. I have had access into the doors for around 7 years, but they are still new rooms that I can’t quite get used to. And let’s be honest they are probably filled with SO MUCH STUFF that finding what ‘stuff’ is solutions to my lack of focus and what ‘stuff’ is just random fluff in of itself just a pure distraction, is a job in itself. Not to mention the old reoccurring ‘Gobb’s disease’ AKA ‘foot in mouth syndrome‘Β  Just when I’m focused on an issue in need of correction, I open my mouth and it’s like…

“Would like some orange juice, Andrea? To wash down that foot you just swallowed?”

So, however, I make progress in any area, I am still playing catch-up somewhere else. In retrospect, medication can help with this issue but with everything else needed it can get ‘put aside’ πŸ˜›

Medication has changed my life but it doesn’t switch off the ADHD or make me ‘not ADHD anymore’ which tbh sucks. ADHD is treatable but there is no cure. ALL meds do is help me get through some of the pitfalls and navigate life to a certain extent, it works best in conjunction with other therapies but medication is ALL that is on offer in my area. They do not offer ‘other therapies’ or help with using the medication in the best way.

I’m trying to work that out, on my own! Which basically means, I look into these New rooms and atm all I can think is

‘Great, something else, I need to clean and organise!’

I actually sometimes feel that when I’m in those rooms in my head I’m never getting out of them. Other times I never want to leave. I mean, the room with the woods and werewolves is fast becoming my favorite room to be but it sits adjacent to the ‘Marketing and promotion room’ which is a very dark place.

That’s another thing, I may have forgotten to pay an electricity bill, cause the lights in these rooms don’t work at all πŸ˜‰ And the local authority doesn’t offer any help (someone with merely a candle would be an enormous help, but no 😦 )

So it’s just me with a candle, not a good thing! In hindsight, I swear, I’ve probably burned down a few rooms up there as my memory isn’t serving me well at all, anymore! πŸ˜‰

 

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